Lifestyle

100 Ways to Order Coffee in Dalmatia

By 26 April 2018

...okay, a bit less than 100, but we guarantee the locals could easily come up with 30 more ways needed to round up the list. A look at every waiter's nightmare on April 26, 2018

You must have heard about our undying devotion to the heavenly nectar that is coffee. A drink, a ritual, a social institution, coffee is consumed in ungodly quantities all over Croatia, and you'll become aware of the phenomenon as soon as you step outside: café terraces, packed to the brim with cheerful coffee-sipping locals catching up on latest gossip or discussing serious worldly matters.

Such obsession with the iconic hot drink has naturally led us Croats to define our individual favourite ways of having coffee with astonishing precision. Nothing is left to chance, not even the quantity of milk – a shot of espresso with 2 drops of milk and a shot of espresso with 3 drops of milk are two entirely different things, I'll have you know. Of course, this isn't exclusive to Dalmatia, but they seem to be the most picky ones when it comes to their coffee-related habits.

The popular Facebook page Dnevna doza prosječnog Dalmatinca (Daily Dose of an Average Dalmatian) published an entertaining message sent to them by a local waiter, fed up with customers who tend to get a bit carried away with their orders. Sadly, a bit of nuance has unavoidably been lost in translation as some things don't properly transfer to English; for example, 'large coffee with hot milk' has been shaved down to 'large hot' in Croatian ages ago. Nevertheless, we did our best to convey the full scope of variations used to order what is (in most cases) basically a simple macchiato. But with 2 drops of milk and no foam. Details matter! Let's have a look, with Croatian alternatives noted as well:

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"I'm kindly asking for ordering coffee (a.k.a. making things up) to be inscribed into the fu**ing Guinness World Records book.

Here we go... 3... 2... 1:

Espresso

Espresso, short
Espresso kratki

Espresso, long
Espresso duži

Double espresso
Espresso produženi

Espresso, in a big cup
Espresso u veliku

Espresso, half a big cup
Espresso do pola velike

Americano

Small coffee with cold milk
Kava mala ladno

Small coffee with a drop of cold milk
Kava mala kap ladnog

Small coffee, half a cup
Kava malo do pola

Small coffee with cold milk, not much (up to 3 drops)
Kava mala ladno duža manje mlika (do 3 kapi)

Small coffee with lots of cold milk
Kava mala ladno dosta mlika

Small coffee with hot milk, half a cup
Kava mala toplo do pola

Small coffee with hot milk, no foam
Kava mala toplo bez pjene

Small coffee with a bit more hot milk
Kava mala toplo s više mlika

Small coffee with lots of hot milk, no foam
Kava malo toplo s više mlika bez pjene

Espresso, decaf
Bez kofeina expreso

Double espresso, decaf
Bez kofeina dupli expreso

Double short espresso, decaf
Bez kofeina dupli kraci expreso

Coffee, decaf (see all possible variations under 'hot milk' or 'cold milk' listed above)
Bez kofeina 

Large coffee with hot milk, no foam
Velika toplo do pola bez pjene

Large coffee with hot foam only
Velika toplo samo pjena

Large coffee with hot milk, milk only
Velika toplo samo mliko

Large coffee with hot milk, half a cup, with foam
Velika toplo do pola s s pjenom

Large coffee with hot milk, to the rim
Velika toplo do vrha

Large coffee with hot milk, to the rim, extra milk on the side
Velika toplo do vrha i mlika sa strane

Large coffee with 2 drops of cold milk
Velika ladno 2 kapi mlika

Large coffee with cold milk, half a cup
Velika ladno do pola

Large coffee with cold milk, a bit over half a cup
Velika ladno malo preko pola

Large coffee with lots of cold milk and some extra milk on the side
Velika ladno, sa dosta mlika i malo mlika sa strane

Latte, no foam
Bijela kava bez pjene

Latte, extra milk on the side
Bijela kava s mlikom sa strane

Latte, stronger with lots of milk (latte is 70% milk, how can it be 'stronger'?)
Bijela kava jača s dosta mlika 

Latte, decaf
Bijela bez kofeina

Latte, decaf, no foam
Bijela bez kofeina bez pjene

In some cases, latte with an ice cube in it

Ness [Nescafé instant cappuccino]

Ness Vanilla, lots of milk
Ness Vanilija dosta mlika

Ness Vanilla, no milk
Ness Vanilija bez mlika

Ness Vanilla, half water half milk
Ness Vanilija pola pola

Ness Vanilla, no foam
Nes Vanilija bez pjene

Icy Ness Vanilla
Hladni ness od vanilije

Icy Ness Vanilla, no foam
Hladni ness od vanilije bez pjene

(Same goes for chocolate Ness)

Ness Classic with milk
Ness classic mlikom

Ness Classic, no milk
Ness classic bez mlika

Ness Classic, no foam
Ness clasic bez pjene

Ness Classic with whipped cream
Ness clasic s slagom

Do you have coconut Ness?
Imate li ness od kokosa

Do you have caramel Ness?
Imate li nes od karamele

Back to coffee... if there's 'Ledo' whipped cream:


'Expreso', short, with x quantity of whipped cream
Kratki expreso s Z slaga

Short with whipped cream, in a big cup
U veliku kratki sa slagom

Coffee mix, lots of whipped cream
Kava mix dosta slaga

Coffee mix, lots of milk
Kava mix sa dosta mlika

Coffee mix, half a cup
Kava mix do pola sve

 

And the king of all kings: 
SMALL cappuccino

 

Irish coffee, with God knows what in it
Irska kava

 

Alongside all this, we have the fans of...

0,2 water
0,3 water with two ice cubes
Warm water
0,5 water
2 glasses of water
Coffee served with honey on the side
With ice
Without ice
And the list goes on and on..."

 

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